mozzarella sticks

rlmjob:

bestlittle1:

rlmjob:

*puts on sexy underwear but accepts the fact that no one will see it*

But knowing daddy bought them is good enough for me.

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and-down-we-go:

My Mom just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting”

but she hit send when all it said was

Hi Jeffrey,
      I am afraid

sizzleshorts:

commiekinkshamer:

i would pay a lot of money for a complete list of everyone who’s ever had a crush on me

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queerhound:

goodness grandma, what big paws you have you fucking furry

railroadsoftware:

who else wants to meet dr. phil but keep referring to him as mr. phil to see if he gets mad 

deucebowl:

she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere

Person: holy shit some asshole just stole my TV i fucking hate robbers
Robber: *comes back in through the window* ~HATE WON'T END HATE~ umu

rations:

when the blunt was stronger than you thought it was

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Try New Taco Bell Wake-Up Blend Coffee

sh4ne:

It’s warm mountain dew with some old coffee grinds spilled into it. Goes great with a waffle taco